Boundaries that don’t burn bridges
Annie Richardson 
Not everything is wrong, but not everything is right either. This is about choosing yourself without blame, standing in your truth without drama, and
Choosing yourself when it would be easier not to.
There are moments that look small on the surface. A weekend away. An invitation. A group plan that sounds fun enough for most people. And yet inside your body something tightens. Not fear exactly. More a quiet no that doesn’t shout, but it doesn’t go away either.
The quiet no matters. It’s not loud, but it’s honest.
This is usually where many of us lose ourselves.
- We override that no.
- We minimise it.
- We tell ourselves we should be fine.
- We don’t want to disappoint.
- We don’t want to be awkward.
- We don’t want to be the difficult one.
So we go. Or we stay quiet. Or we push through.
Our body keeps the score.
When something isn’t wrong, but also isn’t right
What I’ve been sitting with lately is how often situations are not bad or harmful or intentionally disrespectful. They’re just not correct for us.
This is the grey space.
Nothing is broken, but your system says no.
No one has done anything wrong.
No one needs to change their plans.
And still, it doesn’t feel right in your system.
We were taught to assess right and wrong.
We were not taught to assess alignment.
So when something doesn’t fit, we look for reasons to justify ourselves. Illness. Trauma. Exhaustion. Past experiences. As if our body’s knowing on its own is not enough.
My system doesn’t feel safe or nourished here.
That is not a failure.
That is information.
The cost of abandoning yourself
Every time you override your own knowing to keep the peace, something subtle happens.
You leave yourself.
It might look like resentment later.
Or fatigue that doesn’t lift.
Or getting sick after the event.
Or that hollow feeling of why do I keep doing this.
People pleasing is often self abandonment in a soft voice.
Your nervous system learns that other people’s comfort matters more than your own safety.
And the longer that pattern runs, the harder it becomes to hear yourself at all.
Standing in your truth without burning bridges
Healthy boundaries are not walls.
They are clarity.
Try this language
This doesn’t feel aligned for me right now. I still care. I still want connection. I just need to choose a way that honours where I’m at.
That is not rejection.
That is self respect.
And here’s the part many people miss. You can still offer a yes inside your no.
Yes to a lunch instead of a weekend.
Yes to celebrating in a way that works for your body.
Yes to showing up without self betrayal.
When others don’t understand
Not everyone will get it.
Some people are comfortable overriding themselves, so your boundary can feel confronting. Others may read your no as a judgement, even when it isn’t. That belongs to them.
Your job is not to manage their reaction.
Your job is to stay anchored in your truth.
If you walk away feeling calmer, more settled, more like yourself, that tells you everything you need to know.
Learning to ask the right question
Journal prompts
Instead of asking
Will they be upset with me?
Try asking
What happens in my body if I say yes to this?
And then
What happens in my body if I say no?
Notice the sensations. Your body answers honestly. Every time.
This is the deeper work. Not becoming harder or more boundaried or more independent. But becoming more intimate with yourself. More willing to listen. More willing to trust that your knowing is valid, even when it doesn’t match the room.
That’s not selfish.
That’s integrity.
And the more you practise this, the less dramatic it feels. Choosing yourself becomes quieter. Cleaner. More natural.
You don’t lose people by telling the truth.
You lose yourself by not telling it.
And coming home to yourself is always worth it.
xx Annie
Categories: : Counselling, Healing
